perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
