You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
