dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
50% drunk capacity currently
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
