My liver just broke up with me...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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