I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize