found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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