dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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