So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
