we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
