Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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