I think i peed on brittanys purse
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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