My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
