went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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