my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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