My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
