Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
