now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
