i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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