My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
