I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
