Define "chronic" masturbator.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
