May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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