Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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