just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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