I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
