sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
