Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
