Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
