I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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