My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We left the knife in your bed.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
