Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
