I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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