now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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