so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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