He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
