I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
