Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We need to get me chipped asap
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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