So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
