and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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