Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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