she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
