I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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