Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
farters have to be the big spoon...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
