This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
