Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
