oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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