Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
