we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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