she peed on how many people?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My liver just had a heart attack.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
