I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize