Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
