it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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