Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
