at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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