i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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