I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
