Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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