The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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