Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
