I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
