So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize