the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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