dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
