I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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