i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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