my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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